rarefied air


Monday, December 8, 2008

This Post is about Nothing, so expect Nothing


When you get an itch to post a blog entry, you just get an itch to post one..and there is nothing you can do about it...except post a blog entry. So here I am, with nothing on my mind, typing away a blog entry with nothing to say..Actually I have a lot to say, not melancholy things, so do not panic ;) But things...things about wanting to munch something other than Tiger biscuites, which my colleague and I religiously stack in the cupboard....which I hate but still buy every month...for no particular reason but for the fact that it has become one of those things, you do because you feel like you need to do and so do unquestionably, even when you feel in doubt and do not thoroughly enjoy doing it....And drinking something devine other than the cutting chai in the tiniest-of-plastic-cups-that-can-be-manufactured that under-age boys bring up to our office at a missed call by Dinesh, my gossip buddy and our one-man-for-all-jobs at the office...Initially I used to get incensed at taking the tea from them, as I felt I was encouraging child labour, but over time (over six months) I realised that there was nothing I could do about it and after asking them questions about which school they go to, conversations which reddened them, I try not to notice. There is no way in which I can either convince myself that by serving tea they are at least not begging or feeling with every cup that they are missing out on a childhood that every kid of their age deserves. I just live with my guilt and their misfortune. I have also discovered that I am too lazy to move my ass even for my own good, leave alone take initiatives to bring some change in others lives. Trust me, it doesn't make me feel good and I promise, everyday, that I will change. I will take an initiative and do something for the people around me. Not anything magnanimous or giant sized or front page dope but anything that can help cleanse my conscience. Yes, I know I am very selfish. And for the record, lighting candles and carrying banners do not form a part of the list of things to do, despite the boom it creates in our economy. Last I heard the candle industry was going through excesive demand situation and the stationery sector was withdrawing exports to meet the demand of the domestic buyers. I might be pro free expression and exhibitionism and all that but somehow sloganeering seems very superficial to me. There might be people who think otherwise and I can defend my point of view convincingly but just right now do not have the energy to do so.

The reason being that I have been sneezing and shivering non-stop since morning and feeling feverish. Now you know, I should tell you people about the kind of fever I get. It is a fever alright, but my mother refuses to believe me as my forehead does not feel hot. When after being unable to bear my attention seeking anguished cries and cribbings in the morning she touched me, she said I was very cold and there was no way there was a fever and I should get off the computer and get ready for work. This was at 12 pm. She added that probably I had a headache due to the permanently stuck earphones to my head and I could try removing them to see how it feels to hear normally. INSULT to INJURY. I felt being treated like a naughty kid trying to wriggle out of school and got up from the computer indignantly. But the fact was, that I WAS FEELING FEVERISH. Also, I highly envy people who look like they are going to die when they have temperatures of even 102 or 103. In my case, even when I run a temperature of 104 degree I appear calm and refreshed! WHY?! WHY>>>! I ask and noone answers. When I threw this question at my best friend from school who has successfully acheived her MBBS degree, she said, "Uhh..umm...it happens. It happens to a lot of people, you are not an exclusive case." Well...that helped. Another doctor when I was three had proclaimed and I quote, that "you have 'androoni taav'" meaning internal fever. Now every time my mother refuses to believe me, I throw this quote at her but today, just today, I felt too weak to do that. Most of the times it ends up in people suspecting that I am bluffing which results in me being packed off for whatever the day's agenda maybe, like today. I feel like I might turn to ash with all the heat but there's nothing I do about it. I have been sitting here since morning and sneezing my head off, but my colleague can only ask me, what 'virus' is this on your status? Your computer got infected?! %%^&*# at times like this, I become a believer and blame fate/ god/ holy spirit/ whoever's listening for not giving me at least an ability to act/ perform. The sad end to this story, if you are still expecting one, is that I cannot even fake my illness, which is not fake really, but only that it doesnt LOOK real and so needs to be faked or acted out or....uhh....never mind!!!