Mother

You ask me to turn my face
So that you may see its contours
Photographed in your mind as they are
From the time you created these fears
The sharp nose, plunging down to eternity
Reassures you and you smile with security
Of the knowledge that I am the one I pretend to be
You serve me with your love and prosperity

But some day you will forget my face
As today you did my name
Some day I will not be able to convince you
That I am the one you seek to trace
There will come a day when you will yearn to talk to me
When all the time I will be in front of you
But you will refuse me, treat me with disdain
Call me a cheat and perhaps slap me for the deceitful strain

When you are clearer in the head I tell you this
You promise to try and remember me
You say you cannot guarantee
But you will try to recall me
It reassures me, soothes me little
My compounded fears run amok unabated near
I persevere to get the best of the moment
That is real, within my reach and without any tear

I cuddle I caress I touch your skin
To imprint my touch and seal the connection with you forever
If not my face, nor my name seem familiar to you
Place my face next to yours in the mirror

My precious you test me, ask me questions again and again
And then you yourself pronounce the indictment
That I pretend to be who I am not
That I am a planted seed in the garden of rot

It happens again and again like a recurring nightmare
It digs under my skin
Makes me bleed copious tears
I tear up my dreams
And offer them to you as sacrifice
I pray after an eternity to Him
And beg for your peace and calm
He mocks me calls me a fool
Says in denying me you have given me legitimacy
I ignore the sarcasm
Continue to prepare for your peaceful sleep
I pray to the pillow even to be silent
Not disturb your dreamless repose
But it sings a new song each night
Follows you like a stream of dirty water
Captures you in its clawed grip
Makes you go insane
I fight it erase it every morning
Clean the bucket, throw it outside in disgrace
But how long? How long will we sing this song?
How long?
What else can I do, to redeem you bring you back to me?
Teach me, I will adopt the strategy
Let eternity come and go and yet I will remain
Devoted to you, I am prepared to go insane.